“It isn’t what you know, but who you know.”

Those words of wisdom have been stuck in my mind ever since I even considered coming to SMU, and especially now that I’m finishing up and looking to get into the vicious world of lawyers and businessmen, I’m looking forward to those nights of bourbon after days of golf with partners and CEOs. But I’m sure you’re not reading this for a joyful outlook on my future fitting of the season, you’re reading this for a bloody show. And believe me, you’re gonna get one. 

First of all, I would like to say that our professor is absolutely fantastic and is deprived of all deserved recognition and reward…because grades have yet to be submitted. But honestly, I’ve taken his classes literally every semester I’ve been at SMU, save one due to a scheduling error cause by SMU’s wonderful system. I don’t think I could have asked for a more engaging professor that teaches real world applications without senseless busy work.

Which bring me to my next topic. Busy work. Dear holy god in heaven, whomever imagined the sadistic requirement for professors to have a certain amount of assignments for their syllabus needs to have Park n Pony find an unhealthy passion in ticketing their car. If there’s anything in the world I hate more, it’s useless things. Like ejector seats for helicopters and screen doors for submarines. For example. one time during my statistics class, my lab TA couldn’t find anything for me to do after I finished all the classwork early and instead of letting me leave early, she gave me a goddamned crossword puzzle. A mothertrucking crossword puzzle. Excuse me, I didn’t realize I was wearing velcro shoes and using crayons to be 8 years old again! Of course, I realize I may act like a child after a night out on Greenville, but if you can’t find it within your cold snow-pocalypse heart to treat me like someone who’s just a year younger than you because “it’s against school policy”, then I’m afraid you’re the focus of my next topic.

Guys, never underestimate the value of ratemyprofessor.com, it can make or break your experience during a class. How a professor acts is highly impacting to one’s attitude and of course, we all know how we feel about a class affects how we feel about coming to class, then how we feel about doing the work, or what we feel about doing instead of the work, what movie to watch on Netflix, what liquor to drink before class…not like that’s ever happened, of course. I’ve had my fair share of professors, and let me tell you, the ones that I actually enjoyed going to, I’ve never received anything below an A-. There has to be something said about someone’s attitude. Attitude. Why is it that every time I go to the doctor’s to get my annual check up, all the nurses say that I’ve got “an attitude”. Like’s where does one even get an attitude? Walmart? I’m afraid it’s hard to be a friendly person when someone is probing me like they’re looking for Christmas presents in my moneymaker. I’m generally a very upstanding person, full of joy and passion. There’s something wrong with assuming someone’s personality from a five-minute engagement, especially when they’re standing half-naked in an examination team wondering what half the plastic tubing on the wall is for. Of course, that brings me to my next topic.

Judgment and first impressions, one of the most vital things to the survival at SMU. If anything defines SMU at its best, that would be it. I mean, how many damned fountains and landscaping changes do we need? And you can’t deny that anytime we meet someone, we automatically can tell if we’re going to like them within the first five minutes. Why do you think that nearly every time I step out of the door, I’m always trying to look my best? Who knows who I’ll run into that day, maybe the goddamned PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, whom we just HAPPEN to have an entire library dedicated to, and who just HAPPENED to meet me while I was parading around campus in a bright red kilt. Because that’s the kind of impression I want to leave with a former US president if I ever happen to go public or something. He probably only knows me as that “one Asian kid in a kilt”. Yea, That’s right kids. You better watch what you do at all times, because you never know who’s watching.

 

I’m going to post this now to meet the deadline, and so I can get another drink. It’s so bloody cold outside, I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t need to chill my whiskey stones. Believe me, I am nowhere near finished.